Q: Are Tarrels contagious?

A: No, they're not contagious by nature. However, certain "activities" that do not require a lot of clothes can make the Tarrel migrate from one body to another.

Q: Is there a special Tarrel season?

A: Not especially. But when the temperature and humidity rises, we get reports of higher Tarrel activities. So one can say the Summer is a better time to grow Tarrels than the Winter season.

Q: Is there a way to prevent Tarrels?

A: Many have tried, but only a few succeeded. Those who did are no longer among us to tell exactly how to conquer the Tarrel (Mayan-civilization)

Q: I don't have Tarrels, but do want to have them

A: Well, if you don't have them you're probably of Mayay origin. Congratulations! Maybe you can ask someone if they want to donate you some of his Tarrels (a so called Tarrel-donor), or just wait for the Tarrel season, grow a bush of buttcrack hair, slow down on the backwards hygiene for a while and rub like your life depends on it with your toiletpaper.

Q: I do have Tarrels, but don't want to have them

A: Here's the big challenge. You need to start and read your way through 5000 year old documentation in the Proto-Mayan language hoping one of their Tarrel conquerors took the time to write a clay Wiki. Another way is to Brazilian wax your buttcrack, don't use toiletpaper and eat fiber-rich food.

 

Another way is a solution we are planning to launch this year in our Tarrel-Removal-Quest. This solution is called The Ultimate Tarrel Removal Tool and contains a Tarrel Clipper (tarrelschaar), a Tarrel Gripper (tarreltang) and a Tarrel Mirror (tarrelspiegel). Early test results show a permanent removal rate exceeding 14%.

 

TarrelTools

 

Click to Pre Order The Ultimate Tarrel Removal Tool

 

 

Muhaha, honestly?

 

To thank you for being such a good believer and from now on you will receive loads of Nigerian spam telling you have won $ 500,000 since you are the benificiary of late Mr. Barrister ;-)

Q: Do Smurfs also have Tarrels?

A: Yes, but only one called Tarrel Smurf. And I already hear you thinking so I will already give the answer. YES, they are blue!

Q: What are all the names for this lumpy phenomenon?

A: Our research came up with Dingleberry, Klaboestabeertje, Kling-On, Kontkorst, Knottel, Reetketelsteenholstrontverklontering and of course Tarrel (please leave yours in your language in the comments). And so we come to the main reason for this website. PAY ATTENTION NOW!

 

If, for some obscure reason, you ever get shot, wind up in hospital, you're coffing up blood and the Doctor is asking you if you suffer from anything he needs to know of and you have to say; Well Doctor, I suffer from Dingleberries. Well, that's just not possible, you know.

 

You need something coming from the back of your throat that can even be pronounced in a worst case scenario like being on Holiday in Benidorm.

 

For medical reasons we would like to ask everyone in the whole world to start and use the word TARRELS.

Splatter

Questions & comments? Ask Darrel (our helpdesk)

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